i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
