Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
