he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
