You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Terrible idea I love it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
