whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
