When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
