his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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