Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
