At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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