i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
