Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
