Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
