so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
