i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
