Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
