Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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