dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I supernannyed him into submission
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
