chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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