Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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