people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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