i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
