You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
