this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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