finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
