bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
