Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
