She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
