i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
