maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
