Just cropdusted the office
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
