My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
