so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
