You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
