I wish I could teleport
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
True college students do jello shots in the library
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