Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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