he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're like the curious george of whores
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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