And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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