hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are we still banned from the library?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
