Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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