There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
