someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
