don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
