He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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