Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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