I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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