so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
