so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
