Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
