I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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