I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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