I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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